Domestic Violence in the Lesbian Community
There is a belief that women are the more ”gentle” sex. We are nurturing, kind, tolerant, compassionate, understanding, accepting, caring….and so, with that in mind, surely lesbian relationships are always founded on mutual love and respect for one another. Right?! Wrong!!! While the vast majority of lesbian partnerships are positive, life-affirming experiences, there is a darker issue that is seldom talked about, even by those within the lesbian community itself. I’m talking, of course, about domestic abuse.
It happens more often than you may think. More and more I have been seeing women in these violent relationships and the saddest part of it all, in my opinion, is that most women remain in these relationships for one reason or another. Maybe she feels she has nowhere to go or noone to turn to. Women are very skillful at making excuses for their partners… so she may think that her partner will change and the situation will improve. Or maybe she even feels that she can’t do any better.
Domestic violence in the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender) community is a serious issue. The rates of domestic violence in same-gender relationships is roughly the same as domestic violence against heterosexual women, about 30%. Like in heterosexual relationships, the problem is underreported. Facing a system which is often oppressive and hostile towards gay people, those involved in same-gender battering frequently say that they are afraid of revealing their sexual orientation or the nature of their relationship. Others who do not identify as LGBT may not feel that their relationship fits the definition but may still be in an abusive and dangerous relationship.
Lesbians who abuse other women may do so for reasons similar to those that motivate heterosexual male batterers. Lesbians abuse their partners to gain and maintain control. They are also motivated to avoid feelings of loss and abandonment. Therefore, many violent incidents occur during threatened separations. Many lesbian batterers grew up in violent households and were physically, sexually, or verbally abused and/or witnessed their mothers being abused by fathers or stepfathers.
The typical image of a battered woman is a heterosexual woman attempting to hide a black eye behind dark shades. But more often than not… lesbian women are being battered and bruised in ways that may not be so evident to the naked eye! I say that domestic violence in any relationship should not be tolerated on any level… and if a woman finds herself in a violent relationship… she should do whatever it takes to get out! Women are the givers of life… the generators of human existence! And tearing even one woman down is a detriment to our society!
If you know anyone that is being abused… physically… sexually… and/or emotionally here’s the number to the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). We all need to strive for better healthier lives and relationships!
Much Love & Many Blessings Fam
Queen 
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Great read Queen! You’re right. I’m one of those who never would have thought about it. It’s not a shock that it exists, I just figured, like you said, that we’re the gentler sex.
That said, and because you said that abuse isn’t as evident in the LGBT community, what are some signs that someone you love may be in an abusive relationship? What are some signs that the heterosexual communities can look for??
Some signs that I have observed are when one partner from a couple seems to be very isolated or introverted… they rarely speak up in group conversations… he/she seems to be dominated in every aspect! Another sign is when a partner doesn’t leave the side of the other partner. They have to where they are.. who they’re talking to & so forth. And the most obvious sign is actual marks, bruises on the body of one partner & the odd explanations of where those bruises came from! For example… I have a friend that’s in a not so healthy relationship, she all of sudden ended up in the hospital with a busted knee. Her explanantion was she slipped on a sheet… slipping on a sheet would not have you end up having to have surgery! I feel that if one is observative enough… especially if you have witnessed domestic violence before… you can definitely can see the signs!
I’m so happy you brought this topic up Queen because you are right…. many don’t even think about lesbians being victims of domestic violence. Your response to The Worth Coach was spot on as far as the signs- I’ve seen it far too many times in all relationships. People are people, no matter what their sexual orientation. I wish people would catch on.
Awesome post doll! XOXO
I dont really know what this has to do with domestic violence!!! If you were trying to be funny… you didnt accomplish that goal!
Wait wait…. did I miss something Queen?
I don’t think you missed anything Paige… but if you think you did… I would be happy to fix it!
Someone commented with a video on the domestic violence blog. But when I checked it out… it wasn’t a video & the content of the page had nothing to do with the topic of the blog.
I read a book once that had a short story in it where there was a lot of abuse going on in a same-sex relationship. I was floored! I just never thought that kind of thing happened in those type of relationships. Its terrible to hear. Someone VERY close to me is in a same-sex relationship & has been for the past 20 years. It has opened my eyes to the fact that that kind of relationship has some of the same troubles as the heterosexual ones that I have been in.
It’s definitely a neglected topic period. It goes to show that it’s not always only men who are the victimizers of women. Women can be just as abusive as men.